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We’ve all been there. You get into a fight with your S.O, or your best friend and you tell someone else about it. But this is almost ALWAYS a bad idea. What often happens is that your friends tend to only see one side of the story; which is yours. They start seeing this other mysterious S.O or best friend in ONE way and they kind of make a character out of them. So of course they just think that person treats you like crap all of the time, so you should leave them.
Let’s be honest though, people are not teen romance characters or cartoon characters; they’re complex. No one is all good and no one is all bad. So here are the 7 Major reasons why you shouldn’t talk about your relationship to your friends.
1. They form their own opinions
Recently, I’ve had two of my closest friends tell me that they were surprised that the Bae and I were still together because they’ve heard about our fights, or the things that we differ over. I don’t see it that way though. All relationships have ups and downs–that’s normal. No relationship is ever perfect. However, you start to realize that you’ve probably only told them about the bad times.
2. They get a bit too involved
I have an ex friend who got WAY too involved in my relationship. He would want to know every single detail…even when there were no details to give. He became friends with my S.O. and would give him advice about how to handle me, and would give me different advice on how to respond…he was basically writing the narrative of my relationship. Sorry Pickies, but that does not fly with me. Your friends should support you, not control you.
3. They get frustrated
I’ve had friends who got really upset with me because I kept going back to them to talk about my breakups. It’s hurtful for the both of you. Of course you want your friends to be there, but your friend is being overwhelmed by you because they have to be there for you. Your friendship eventually becomes really unhealthy as a result.
4. It’s not actually that helpful
It’s great to vent your feelings sometimes! Sometimes we just need a shoulder to cry on, sometimes our friends don’t always get the message. Of course they want to help you and make you feel better so they offer you advice. Doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily helpful because they aren’t experiencing the relationship the way that you are. You can’t infer your own feelings and relationship experience on another person. I usually just smile, and nod along for the next hour while they give me advice. It helps if there is food while you zone out (I suggest fries).
5. Sometimes they don’t understand why you aren’t as ANGRY or as SAD as they would be.
I think we’re all different on an emotional spectrum. Some cry when their S.O. eats their cupcakes, some just brush it off when their S.O. forget to pick them up from the airport. We’re all different. It’s great that you have a friend who loves you so much that they are angry or sad for you; but I mean it’s your emotions. You do you.
6. Your friends are your friends. They aren’t your S.O.
I usually talk to my friends if something is REALLY bothering me about my relationship, other than that I figure it out with my S.O. instead. It’s between the two of us, not all of my friends and us. Some things are better off between the two of you. Unless you’re put in a dangerous situation in your relationship, then this is the time to tell someone.
7. You value your friends.
I love my best bro, but I try not to tell him about my relationship. Why? His answers or responses frustrate me. I’ve almost slapped him many times. I value this relationship that I have with him and 1) I don’t need to bother him with my relationship up and downs, and 2) I might actually slap him one day. I love him, why do I want to slap him? My bro buys me fries, and pizza. This is a true friendship. This is forever. Why do I ruin it by saying or doing something in frustration? I’ve yelled at friends before for just NOT GETTING WHAT I’M SAYING. That’s not okay! That’s not Prince or Princess-like behaviour.
So why did I say in my title that you should only talk to me about your relationship?
Having gone through these scenarios with my friends, I’m a lot more understanding and patient when it comes to people’s relationships. I’ve learned that staying quiet, actually listening, asking questions for clarification and giving someone all of my attention is a lot more helpful than getting involved. This actually reduces the amount of visits that your friends will come to discuss their relationships with you. Not because you’re a bad friend, but because they’re not coming to you for solutions. You let them talk it out enough that they figure it out themselves. I don’t actually mean ME, I mean that you should talk to the RIGHT person who will listen to you. You’ll both feel better for it.
