Tags: depression how to deal with depression lifestyle princess the picky princess thepickyprincess
I’ve finally turned 26. Seeing as how my birthday is so close to New Year’s I often feel sad around my birthday as I look back on the previous year. This year left me with an empty feeling that I haven’t felt in quite some time. 2018 was an emotional roller coaster in terms of my career. I’m currently in a place where I’m debating going the “Starving Artist” route and running away to teach English abroad for a year. This whole idea of running away reminded me of an adventure I took in grade 12 that I never told anyone about. I never even told my closest friends. It’s been a long time now, and I’m ready to share this story with you.
Since my birthday is so early in the year, I turned 18 before most of my classmates did. This meant that I could legally sign my own permission forms. Even better? I was able to sign myself out of school for sick days. Something that most people don’t know about me, is that I was often out sick from school. Not enough for someone who didn’t interact with me regularly to notice, but a good amount. I often suffered from migraines and nausea, it wasn’t until I was older that I realized that I suffered from depression and anxiety and that I was feeling symptoms of my mental health. I distinctly remember one cold snowy winter day where I felt completely empty inside. I decided to skip the rest of my day after attending half a day of classes. I signed myself out of school, and boarded a bus on my lunch period. At that time I really only knew two routes from school. One was home, and the other was to Shops at Don Mills. I used to take clarinet lessons near Shops at Don Mills before it was even built so I decided to make the lengthy travel time of over an hour there. It was freezing that day, and I spent my time walking in and out of stores, until I found myself in BCBG and decided to try on dresses for prom. I still remember how nice the sales associate was, and how we both fell in love with a beige toned dress, with aubergine trim. Unfortunately that dress was too short on me, and I obviously hadn’t brought any money in anticipation of going to school that day. I walked away from that dress, and made my way back to school for a club meeting I had promised to attend.
I even remembered to stop by a Hong Kong style cafe to pick up a drink for my best guy friend. There’s something actually really important about this story. It’s about how important clothing and fashion has helped me in my life. I felt so beautiful in that dress, and important because of the attention the sales associate was giving me. That experience lifted me up, and gave me the will to return to school. I actually ended up sewing my own prom dress, and guess what? I modeled a majority of the dress after the one I fell in love with. The final kicker? I didn’t want to go to prom either. I didn’t have a date, and I’m an extroverted-introvert. This means that I can be very social and extroverted for a short amount of time (2-3 hours), and then I get very tired and drained. I always found it very tiring to be around a large group of people for too long. Even now, I find myself only able to spend large amounts of time with certain people. I have an overbearing way of making sure everyone is enjoying themselves, because it terrifies me to disappoint anyone. The only reason I went to my prom, was because I made my own dress and I was damn proud of it.
What I’m trying to say, is that sometimes you’re going to feel lost, and sometimes you’re really not going to want to do things. However, I believe that there are little things that can be done to nudge you a long the way. I’m not at all ready for the adventure of being 26, or the upcoming year of 2019. I’m not even planning to set a New Year’s resolution. When my friends were counting down their top things of 2018, I was just grateful that I survived.
Here’s to hoping I survive 2019.
