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They say, “If you love someone, then let them go.”
But has anyone ever told you, “If they don’t love you, let them go” ?
Sometimes it’s really hard to let someone go, because you’ve invested so much time into your friendship/relationship. Let’s be real though, if you think that your bond has become toxic, it’s time to cut the strings, and let them go.
A friend told me on our subway ride once that she thought I was a really strong woman, because I was able to let people and things go. I guess I never really thought of myself as strong. Over the years I learned to let people go, because I wasn’t strong at first. I used to take every friendship I had extremely seriously. I thought that I had to put in my 110% all of the time, even if the other person wasn’t. Okay, so sure, we can’t always be perfect. There are days where we don’t give 100% of ourselves to our friends because we’re tired, or there’s shit going on in our own lives. BUT. If you or your friend aren’t at least trying to give 100% on a bulk of your days together, then you shouldn’t be friends anymore. It takes strength to walk away from someone, yes. It also takes compassion. Compassion for yourself, and compassion for them. Don’t let someone treat you like shit and hold you back. Don’t hold someone else back either. You can’t really grow as a person without letting them go.
Someone recently asked me how I get myself out of feeling constantly sad. My answer was that I cut out all of the shitty people in my life. Those shitty people are the ones who you feel anxiety before, during, and after you meet up with them. If you don’t genuinely feel happy and excited about hanging out with someone, why are you hanging out with them?
Okay, so you feel anxious when you see your family members. Speaking as a Chinese-Canadian, I understand family-gathering-anxiousness. “What are they going to ask me this time? Is it my weight? Is it my relationship status? Is it my lack of employment?” (FYI relatives from Asia LOVE these types of embarrassing, invasive and under handed comments). However, that’s FAMILY. You may not be able to choose your family, but you sure as hell can choose your own friends.
So what happens when you’re on the other end of the stick? When someone doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore. Is it hard? OF COURSE. It’s literally rejection, it’s a break up. IT HURTS. But if there’s something that I’ve learned over the years it’s this: they come back. and then you let them back in. and then they leave. again. You have to think about it as a break up. It’s like when that ex that you were SO IN LOVE with breaks up with you. You know, the one who all of your friends tell you was horrible, and treated like you shit? The one that you were so in love with that you never saw how toxic your relationship was. They broke up with you, and you probably have no idea why. You’re distraught, you’re hurt. You can’t get out of your bed. You feel delirious because it’s like this big important part of you is missing. When you’re finally over it, and moving on with your life (the part where you accept that you don’t need them anymore) that’s when they decide that this must be the perfect time to waltz back into your life. It starts with that “hello” text. You’re not really sure what to say, so you give it a few hours before you respond. You finally get up the courage to respond, and some how you end up at a dinner with them, and you’re both apologizing, and crying, and somehow this person is VOILA back in your life.
It’s actually pretty rare that a dead relationship is fully revived. This has only worked for me once (Hi #VeiledBae!). These other ones? They remember how good your friendship was, and they miss it, so they come back. But something that never worked, usually stays complicated. So you just let the mistakes repeat again, and again. Now? I just keep the people who left or the people I left out.
Don’t collect friends like you are collecting Pandora charms. My best friend went into their store to buy me a bracelet for my birthday, and they had charms that were already tarnished. The sales rep told her that “it was natural.” Michelle’s response was, “Why do I want to buy something that tarnishes in the air?”
Pandora is flashy, pretty and “expensive”. You can definitely collect a bunch. But that shit, like friendship will tarnish once you blow on it.
Cherish friends like the way you would cherish a Tiffany & Co. charm. They’re more expensive and over time they can tarnish too, but at least you have something of quality there. I feel like you can remove and put back your Tiffany charms more easily than with Pandora. You want those friends who know that it isn’t personal when you need them not to weigh you down. They let you remove them from your main bracelet (you) and let you reattach them when you need. They’re still a part of you, but they hold more merit this way.
I have a small handful of people that I talk to on a regular basis. That’s because I love them, and they love me. I don’t surround myself with anything less than what I decide that I am worth. You deserve better than for someone to make you feel like you aren’t good enough for them.
So, what about “If you love someone, then let them go”? You let them go when you realize that you are the one treating them like shit. THAT’S when you let them go.
There’s a difference between getting into a fight with someone, and being in a toxic relationship. Learn to know the difference or you’ll never be happy
-The Picky Princess-
