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Hello My Little Pickies.
A few years back, I went on an international internship with AIESEC to Taipei, Taiwan. When I came back, I wrote this Facebook notes about “The Boys” that I met in my life and how they affected me. So. Here’s the recap of “The Boys” and why the hell they were so important to me.
1. The First Boy Who Loved Me
When I was in the 3rd grade, I remember LITERALLY fighting over this boy in my class with my friend up until the 5th grade when we stopped having classes with him. When I reached the 8th grade I found out he had loved me since the 3rd grade. Now, we can all say “that’s so cute!” and all of that cheesy stuff. The truth? It was amazing. You see, I have always been a hopeless romantic, and I always wanted love. I just never knew how to let anyone love me. This boy would go on to talk to me whenever I needed him throughout high school. I never even saw him after the 9th grade. He would just let me message him, and he always knew how I was feeling. No matter how much time passed. He taught me that I deserved love, that it was out there, and that someone did love me.
2. He was a douche then. He is still a douche now (I think).
So when I was in elementary school, I was head over heels for this guy. He was horrible to me. He constantly would call me mean names. Told me I was fat, and would purposely treat me like shit because he knew I had feelings for him. He was a douche then, and last time I actually heard him say something about me I deduced that he is still a douche.
What it taught me was that just because I was nice to this guy, he didn’t owe me ANYTHING. I was suffering hard from Nice Girl syndrome. Like, if I was nice enough to him he would have feelings for me. I also learned that I shouldn’t let someone’s words tell me what I am. I wasn’t fat, I wasn’t ugly, and I wasn’t any of the mean things he called me. The most important thing that this douche taught me? If someone isn’t mature enough to just man up and treat you like a human being, walk away.
Let’s be honest, I probably scared him off too with how intense I liked him. You know what that teaches you? You should be with someone who loves you just as crazy as you love them (in a health way).
3. My First Serious Relationship
My boyfriend from my first serious relationship is one of the few people that I think is a genuinely amazing human being. I learned something incredibly important from this relationship. I learned that no matter how much you want to love someone, it doesn’t mean that you will fall in love with them. It taught me that I didn’t want to be in a relationship where love was unequal. He loved me, more than I loved him. It didn’t seem fair to me, and it wasn’t. He’s a great guy and I’m happy that we’re both happy now.
It taught me that we all deserve to be relationships where the love is equal. That’s how I know the relationship I’m in now is real.
4. My First Love
My first love was so blinding that I never realized how toxic it became until it was way too late. He was a year older than me when we were in high school. We had the perfect summer romance. Nothing is perfect though right? I started noticing that he would get aggressive whenever I was succeeding in things and he wasn’t. It took me a long time to realize that he was jealous of his younger girlfriend. We broke up because him being in “Grade 12” and me starting “Grade 11” would be too stressful on both of us.
Guess what though?—complete bullshit. He was later dating his best friend. It took me getting my heart ripped out and meeting someone new to realize that he was just an insecure little boy. I saw him two years ago…and he is still the same.
Hey, maybe I put too much pressure on him to have his shit sorted out. Who knows? I do know he is still a dick.
Lesson: People don’t always change, or don’t always grow up. It’s not your job or responsibility to push them to do it.
5. The Guy who got me over My First Love
It didn’t last long. We went out for 2 weeks. He had dreams to chase, and he just couldn’t be with a girlfriend while he chased them.
I should probably mention that I’m notorious for writing these grand “thank you for you being you letters” for exes. Four years after our break up I messaged him while I was in Singapore. He told me the next day he had been cleaning his room and found my letter. He thanked me for believing in him. Apparently my letter told him to always chase his dreams because I believed that he was going to be amazing. He did become amazing.
Lesson: Sometimes we have people in our lives for a short period of time. In that short period of time, we can still touch them. We make little waves in people’s lives. It’s important to always treat people well. You don’t know what the outcome of your actions are.
6. The Man who Taught Me what I wanted in a Significant Other.
While I was in Taiwan, I had a blinding crush. He was kind of dorky. But, he had his goals together, he was sweet and genuine. It wasn’t hard to talk to each other. We got along. It taught me that finding someone was easy when you stopped trying so hard.
I actually ended up telling him about my feelings before I left, only for him to tell me he had no idea. I then encouraged him to chase another girl. I haven’t spoken or heard from him ever since we said goodbye at the airport. I’m okay with it because it taught me a lot about what caring about someone means.
Lesson: There’s a time, and a place for everything. Sometimes those “not the right time” situations, pushes you to reevaluate what you want and need.
7. He wasn’t the one. I knew he wasn’t the one. I just told myself he could be.
Okay. So I knew what I wanted and I tried to push that onto the next guy that I saw. That entire friendship/relationship ended poorly. He was interested in me, I was interested in him. Neither of us made a commitment…so I kissed another boy and he never got over it.
Lesson: If he’s not your boyfriend and he says you’re not exclusive, you’re not exclusive. If you kissed another guy and it felt good, stop making some random guy “the one” just because you want the “finale”.
8. The Re-return
Every once in a while I have an ex who does a re-return for me. Usually it’s when he ends a long relationship and suddenly he thinks that I’m the One again. I learned that just because someone says a lot of amazing things, doesn’t mean that it’s true. I think he honestly always wanted to believe that he was ready for that commitment. He just never really was.
Lesson: Just because you both want it to be true, doesn’t mean that you’re meant for each other. It just means that you did love each other enough to want it to be true. You’ll find someone else, I promise.
8. Finale.
I’m now where I think the finale is. 3 years later and I’m not bored of him. I see a future with him, and my dog likes him. He still makes my heart do summersaults whenever I see him, and he feeds me chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce (because it’s my favourite).
Again, nothing is perfect. We went through some pretty tough shit to get to where we are, but we’re so much stronger for it. He also puts up with my craziness. I can go from Boss Lady to fluffy pup from 0-100.
Lesson: If after going through hard situations, and you still want to be with them, or your fights are over potato chip flavours? You’re at the finale. After all, Marshal and Lily broke up, and still got married.
